I found out this weekend that my grant aunt, who was slated to die approximately two weeks after being diagnosed with cancer in April, is cancer free. When she was diagnosed she was given two options. She could let the cancer take its course and die without treatment or she could take the rigorous amounts of chemo and radiation but in the end the cancer that was pretty much riddling her body would eventually kill her anyway. Her prospects were grim.

As a person afraid of pills and hospitals and treatments I thought to myself when I heard her options that I would personally just let the cancer run its course and die without the medical fight. If I was told that my prospects weren't much better with all those chemicals running through my body I probably would have given up. But I guess my aunt had hope. Or something.

Last week I was asked by a friend why I don't believe in prayer.

"I think there are more proactive, logical things that can be done than asking for help from something we don't know is really there for a miracle," I said.

But while some people might hear about a family member being rid of cancer and turn around and thank a god for their miracle I still can't wrap my brain around that concept. I haven't asked a god for a favour since I was probably 12 and prayed that some boy would like me and send me flowers on Valentine's Day every night before I went to bed. That's what the Catholic church does to you.

I also can't begin to explain, understand, thank a god (or gods or whatever is out there) for sparing my aunt's life when that same being, feeling, long-haired man took two of my grandfathers (my dad's father died a month after I was born but my mother's stepfather, whom I was very close too, died 2 1/2 years ago) in that same cold, heartless cancer way.

I will praise her for fighting and she- the one who fought and wouldn't let cancer take her life- will be an inspiration. Not something I can't even put my finger on. It's not to say that my grandfathers didn't fight (maybe it does say that the women in my family are very strong) it's just that every challenge is approached differently by us humans. And I will accept that people die- good and bad- and that is enough explanation for me.